Journals23
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Woo.
2 min read
So, I broke-up with the girl I was writing about.
I guess we couldn't communicate well-enough. I wasn't around very often, after starting a band. I felt horrible for a really long time and couldn't date, but fell for someone.
Unfortunately, I am bleeding black, around her. I pray she understands, because I tried to ruin myself, I was so depressed. This is one of the few times in my life I have truly faltered from who I am, but I am learning. She has reminded me, life is a learning process, and that is what makes it beautiful. I have written a little more, and I will learn to love, again. I can't help but try to, regardless, around her. She is amazing, and lights-up my heart in ways I can't describe. She brings me peace and honesty when I am doubting. She soothes my spirit when it wanes. I will be strong again, I will be better for her. If not, I will only grow stronger, regardless, with her in my life.
I hope to one day be a romantic, again. I seem to have become very cynical, but so relentlessly pushy about not wanting to accept it, I have no other choice but to scatter myself into a million pieces, and try and pick myself up, again.
Acceptance. It seems to be harder to do than I really want to admit, these days. Perhaps because I harbored a victim, stayed strong for him, helped him, and all he did was betray me by pushing me past my boundaries and ignoring my pleas for him to stop. Cold? Okay, I can do that. Senselessly deceptive? No, thank you. I am not a drug dealer, I have no need for your methods of cruelty and unkindness. I understand life, and I'd like to keep it that way, thank you very much.
To new beginnings. I find this toast to be a little washed-out, but I know it's just my heart, yearning to be safe.
To proper living, then. May you all find serenity in your life that guides you when you are lost.
I guess we couldn't communicate well-enough. I wasn't around very often, after starting a band. I felt horrible for a really long time and couldn't date, but fell for someone.
Unfortunately, I am bleeding black, around her. I pray she understands, because I tried to ruin myself, I was so depressed. This is one of the few times in my life I have truly faltered from who I am, but I am learning. She has reminded me, life is a learning process, and that is what makes it beautiful. I have written a little more, and I will learn to love, again. I can't help but try to, regardless, around her. She is amazing, and lights-up my heart in ways I can't describe. She brings me peace and honesty when I am doubting. She soothes my spirit when it wanes. I will be strong again, I will be better for her. If not, I will only grow stronger, regardless, with her in my life.
I hope to one day be a romantic, again. I seem to have become very cynical, but so relentlessly pushy about not wanting to accept it, I have no other choice but to scatter myself into a million pieces, and try and pick myself up, again.
Acceptance. It seems to be harder to do than I really want to admit, these days. Perhaps because I harbored a victim, stayed strong for him, helped him, and all he did was betray me by pushing me past my boundaries and ignoring my pleas for him to stop. Cold? Okay, I can do that. Senselessly deceptive? No, thank you. I am not a drug dealer, I have no need for your methods of cruelty and unkindness. I understand life, and I'd like to keep it that way, thank you very much.
To new beginnings. I find this toast to be a little washed-out, but I know it's just my heart, yearning to be safe.
To proper living, then. May you all find serenity in your life that guides you when you are lost.
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Hello. Is there anybody out~ there?
2 min read
Just nod if you can hear~ me~. Is there an~ybo~dy home?
Bros and sis'.
I need some song ideas.
I was thinking about making a song called "Gender Bender". I also wanted to do a song called "Art is Fly". If I do them, I may only do them for DeviantArt. If you guys can help me, I am trying to think of different songs for a CD.
I can't believe I'm saying this, but I might have two CD's in the works if you guys can help me think of Deviant-related stuff, like a song about the Cat Takeover, or maybe something else. List some events or some common themes you guys know in DeviantArt and I will write a song about it if I can.
Things to Know:
1. I want a hard rock/rock n' roll band because that's how I've been gearing my voice, but I can settle for an Alt. Punk band. Either way, I will find musicians who can play. I know a fair few. If I can't, the music may take a while to come out.
2. Nothing too political, please. I don't want my career to be mixed with controversy, so I can always keep my mind on my music. A little politics is okay, though.
3. No hating sentience. I hate oppression.
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Phew...
2 min read
I know, I know, I said I would write more!
I'm sorry! I have some ideas written down though.
I was taking a small sabbatical because my heart got broken. Can't write love poetry with a broken heart, now can you? It's a bit torturous!
So I was dating someone who tried really hard to be funny, and found out that they are learning sarcasm and cruel humor, and left them after 6 months. It was pretty much torturous because I thought I could trust them. It's not too big of a deal but I guess I needed to learn anyway. I say it's not too big of a deal because they know they're cruel now and I am over feeling crappy. A few cigarettes and some extra carricular smoking and some time alone reading, and I was back on my feet. I feel like quitting again, so I suppose I'm doing well. I felt like I had a hole in my heart, but it seems life won't allow it right now, and has other plans for me. I've fallen back for an old friend that I've dated once. Things ended well and we still talk.
I don't know what to do about writing, I don't know how to remember to write more often. Someone yell at me or something! xD I love writing so much, or did, at least. I could go for a good rekindling of spirit. I have just been playing video games and hanging-out with friends in a stupor. Perhaps I need to, for now. I would love to get back to writing though. Thankfully, I remembered my password for DeviantArt.
Other than that, I am doing well. My parents are considering buying me a new car, I am considering going back to college to be a programmer, because I love to type, and I am going to quit smoking and start exercising. Things seem well!
Let's get back to work, ladies and gentlemen!
I'm sorry! I have some ideas written down though.
I was taking a small sabbatical because my heart got broken. Can't write love poetry with a broken heart, now can you? It's a bit torturous!
So I was dating someone who tried really hard to be funny, and found out that they are learning sarcasm and cruel humor, and left them after 6 months. It was pretty much torturous because I thought I could trust them. It's not too big of a deal but I guess I needed to learn anyway. I say it's not too big of a deal because they know they're cruel now and I am over feeling crappy. A few cigarettes and some extra carricular smoking and some time alone reading, and I was back on my feet. I feel like quitting again, so I suppose I'm doing well. I felt like I had a hole in my heart, but it seems life won't allow it right now, and has other plans for me. I've fallen back for an old friend that I've dated once. Things ended well and we still talk.
I don't know what to do about writing, I don't know how to remember to write more often. Someone yell at me or something! xD I love writing so much, or did, at least. I could go for a good rekindling of spirit. I have just been playing video games and hanging-out with friends in a stupor. Perhaps I need to, for now. I would love to get back to writing though. Thankfully, I remembered my password for DeviantArt.
Other than that, I am doing well. My parents are considering buying me a new car, I am considering going back to college to be a programmer, because I love to type, and I am going to quit smoking and start exercising. Things seem well!
Let's get back to work, ladies and gentlemen!
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Okay.
3 min read
Sorry, all 11 of my watchers!
I haven't written anything in ages! I'm more of a sporadic writer until I get my schizophrenia under control. It has been bad on and off and some days I just don't even wake-up! It's pretty horrible, I have to trick it most of the time or just wake-up and go back to sleep randomly.
Anyway, I think I am going to start doing flows in my spare time, like rap except I want to try to make some of them self-help or useful. I hope DeviantArt will support me if I sue someone for using them, because plagiarism happens a lot in the rap industry, and I'm hoping that by putting my flows on here it will help me get some evidence that I wrote them first because I'm not a horrible rapper and my flows are often pretty useful advice. SO I HOPE NOBODY EFFING STEALS MY STYLE because it will be a great think to launch a small career for me on.
I know I haven't done much for the "I'm Loving Night" series but I have just been really busy worrying about my new girlfriend who is hypersexual. She is really cute and funny and I often worry I'm not enough for her. I know that if I push the problems out of my head completely, they will fester and come back as anxiety, so I try not to do that. Maybe I will just eventually get over it! I hope so.
So, I'm here to brainstorm ideas. If anyone has any good songs they like with good lyrics, post them here! I will consider doing it and remove the Creative Commons license so you can use it as well if you'd like, if I do do it.
I was also considering doing something much more popular, like drawing or Piano maybe because I actually play Piano and I wouldn't just be starting from scratch. I 'suck' at art. I'm not horrible, I have a steady hand and I know a few techniques, but it's really hard to do man! Takes 'forever', and I basically have to do everything in one sitting or I'll forget what I'm doing when I come back to it. Then again, maybe it would be a good incentive because lately I've been losing my memory and it hasn't been letting up!
I'll figure something out.
-----Valentine's Day Poem: Based on "Lonely Boy" by The Black Keys? Or maybe an original work. Or both!
I haven't written anything in ages! I'm more of a sporadic writer until I get my schizophrenia under control. It has been bad on and off and some days I just don't even wake-up! It's pretty horrible, I have to trick it most of the time or just wake-up and go back to sleep randomly.
Anyway, I think I am going to start doing flows in my spare time, like rap except I want to try to make some of them self-help or useful. I hope DeviantArt will support me if I sue someone for using them, because plagiarism happens a lot in the rap industry, and I'm hoping that by putting my flows on here it will help me get some evidence that I wrote them first because I'm not a horrible rapper and my flows are often pretty useful advice. SO I HOPE NOBODY EFFING STEALS MY STYLE because it will be a great think to launch a small career for me on.
I know I haven't done much for the "I'm Loving Night" series but I have just been really busy worrying about my new girlfriend who is hypersexual. She is really cute and funny and I often worry I'm not enough for her. I know that if I push the problems out of my head completely, they will fester and come back as anxiety, so I try not to do that. Maybe I will just eventually get over it! I hope so.
So, I'm here to brainstorm ideas. If anyone has any good songs they like with good lyrics, post them here! I will consider doing it and remove the Creative Commons license so you can use it as well if you'd like, if I do do it.
I was also considering doing something much more popular, like drawing or Piano maybe because I actually play Piano and I wouldn't just be starting from scratch. I 'suck' at art. I'm not horrible, I have a steady hand and I know a few techniques, but it's really hard to do man! Takes 'forever', and I basically have to do everything in one sitting or I'll forget what I'm doing when I come back to it. Then again, maybe it would be a good incentive because lately I've been losing my memory and it hasn't been letting up!
I'll figure something out.
-----Valentine's Day Poem: Based on "Lonely Boy" by The Black Keys? Or maybe an original work. Or both!
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Supsauce.
2 min read
I have been busy being schizophrenic lately, I am sorry to my viewers who have been quite thinned out.
Dang, right when I was feeling popular! Oh well, I suppose!
I haven't really been doing much. Just been playing Ragnarok Online to try and wait things out until they are under control.
I guess I should write on my profile that I am going to be on and off with my poetry from now on. It's not a bad idea to keep on writing, it's just that it aggravates me when I forget words or type something that I didn't mean to type. I think I am starting to get over it, but I have always been a stickler for perfection so when I make a mistake I tend to beat myself up over it. Plus I think I'm just getting over it because it happens less. Horrible, I know, but I started my artistic life as a Pianist, so I'm use to everything being in order, not sharing my brain with a disease.
HATING SCHIZOPHRENIA LIKE A TWEAK ON THE BUTT. ROWRGH.
My schizophrenia is cute, which is the worst part. :/ I totally like her. Blegh.
Anyway, I know only like 3 people read this but if there's any ideas for poems you guys think I should try to struggle with, hit me up and I'll see about writing a few takes on them. WE SHALL SEE ABOUT KEEPING MY PAGE ALIVE.
Yay, viewers.
ARE YOU ONE OF THOSE PEOPLE THAT RECITES THINGS OUT LOUD IN YOUR HEAD WHEN THEY ARE IN CAPS?!
*yes and stop yelling, jegus*
Dang, right when I was feeling popular! Oh well, I suppose!
I haven't really been doing much. Just been playing Ragnarok Online to try and wait things out until they are under control.
I guess I should write on my profile that I am going to be on and off with my poetry from now on. It's not a bad idea to keep on writing, it's just that it aggravates me when I forget words or type something that I didn't mean to type. I think I am starting to get over it, but I have always been a stickler for perfection so when I make a mistake I tend to beat myself up over it. Plus I think I'm just getting over it because it happens less. Horrible, I know, but I started my artistic life as a Pianist, so I'm use to everything being in order, not sharing my brain with a disease.
HATING SCHIZOPHRENIA LIKE A TWEAK ON THE BUTT. ROWRGH.
My schizophrenia is cute, which is the worst part. :/ I totally like her. Blegh.
Anyway, I know only like 3 people read this but if there's any ideas for poems you guys think I should try to struggle with, hit me up and I'll see about writing a few takes on them. WE SHALL SEE ABOUT KEEPING MY PAGE ALIVE.
Yay, viewers.
ARE YOU ONE OF THOSE PEOPLE THAT RECITES THINGS OUT LOUD IN YOUR HEAD WHEN THEY ARE IN CAPS?!
*yes and stop yelling, jegus*
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